The lesson today, Catholic peoples, is this: if you are nun who revels in the spirit of the world, if you are one of those habitless hussies that are in and for the world (instead of living for God), then expect to be treated as such. Do not expect to receive the elevated respect, that extra/special amount of dignity, rightly due to a true Bride of Christ. If you want to be like everyone else, then it is Mr. Scampers sworn duty to castigate you like everyone else. So, once again, for your reading and visual pleasure, may I humbly present...
MR. SCAMPERS' GALLERY OF GOOFY NUNS - PART DEUX: FABULOUS FASHIONISTAS
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THE AU COUTURE LIFESTYLES OF AN ASSORTMENT OF POLYESTER PRINCESSES
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THE AU COUTURE LIFESTYLES OF AN ASSORTMENT OF POLYESTER PRINCESSES
Joan Chittister, OSB (Genus: masculus suspectus). Now girls, nothing says heretical nun like a smoking jacket. Joanie here, lusciously draped in a grey design by Fr. Fruitcake of the Maryknoll Fathers, exudes that aura of manlihood that is needed to blur the distinction between the sexes. The curvlinear collar, the loosely fitted sleeves, the unbuttoned jacket - these emanate that relaxed, "just one of the guys" look. Notice how this is also displayed in her body language: hands clasped with interlocking fingers, receptiveness in the facial expression, and the torso askew to the left, but just a little. Poise, ladies... poise.
Simone Campbell, SSS (Genus: medicus mediocritus). Listen up, girlfriends! The 70s are back, so let's get groovin... Simone, here, is wearing a lavious pink shirt with a spectacular, triangularlized collar. And don't forget to leave that top button undone. Remember, the seventies was a time of openess. Modesty, holiness and humility have nothing to do with being a nun. Oh!, how I miss those groovy days of bell bottoms, free love and gaudy colorations. To complete the package, do what Simone did: get a Carol Brady bouffant... Gooorrrgeouussss. Hair designs by Weakland.
Sandra Schneiders, IHM (Genus: polyesteris maximus). "Simone... pink collar... Yoooouuuu gooooo giiiiirrrrrllll".
Louise Lears, SC (Genus: haereticus perhorridus). Okay okay. Yes, the 70s have always been "back". Then why not try the 80s look? That's what Louise did. Here she poses with a slightly vampirish doo (hair gel optional). New Wave, angular and asymmetrical - a perfect coif for a girls night out at the club and for dancing to the sounds of electronica. "We're gonna have a paaarrty... All night long [all night... all night]. All night long [all night]..." Remember, muffins, silence and solitary prayer is passé. That's soooooooo 50s.
Gail Worcelo, SGM (Genus: venerator terrarum). Chic not for you? Perhaps you are the earthy type? You'd prefer to be in the great outdoors rather than in Perpetual Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? Well, then, cupcakes - Gail the Weaver has got something for you. As a liturgical dancer, it is imperative that she always look her best. Gail is seen here in a fabulous thinly veiled bluish-green blouse. For added elegance, the sleeves are shortened just below the elbows, but this also has a ultilitarian purpose: it is conducive to freer air flow under the garment. And, by golly, is this needed when Gail is exerting herself whilst frolicking around the altar. Sweat reduction means less deodorant usage girls - and this is perfect when trekking all day through the hot Sun, under the watchful eye of the beloved god, Ra. Add Birkenstocks plus black toenail polish to the package, and you're ready to go.
Mary Kay Camp, IBVM (Genus: stupidus enneagramis). Only one word describes her outfit: HHHHHHAAAAAAAWWWWWWTTTT.
Christine Leyser, IBVM (Genus: malignus proditoris). Now girls, don't you for one minute think that fashion sense is reserved for the younger lasses. Christine breaks all the rules. Here, she is adorned in a beautiful turtleneck sweater. The varying shades of brown and the stripe around the neck draws attention away from that unwanted graying hair aloft, which most of our mature ladies know is so hard to disguise, even with modern advancements in hair coloring. Notice, also, the small broach in the shape of a cross just below her left shoulder. Such a lovely accent to fool people into thinking that you are devoted to Jesus, when in fact "social justice" is your true obsession.
AFTERWORD: When there is a conglomeration of polyester princesses, i.e. when attending a "community gathering" or "conference" addressing such important issues as "The Social Interrelationships Between Dildos and Barbie Dolls: A Case Study in Male Subjugation" (read "ppaaaaarrtteeeeeeeeee") - what to wear? "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, what am I going to wear?" Well, the galleria below speaks for itself and will hopefully help (my fav is bottom row, first on the left - sheeeeezzzz deeeeelicious).
Until next time, Catholic peoples, Mr. Scampers bids adieu.
Disclaimer: The Heresy Hunter (TH2) does not necessarily endorse, approve or assent to the ideations, articulations, ruminations, expurgations, cogitations, castigations or depictions as disseminated by Mr. Scampers. Any perceived similarities between views expressed in TH2 postings and the expostulations of Mr. Scampers are purely coincidental.
