25 April 2010

MARKETPLACE MADNESS





TH2 sometimes feels that, one of these days, he's gonna do a Luther.

Why?






A culmination of things:


  • Holy Eucharist dispensed/served like party crackers.
  • Stupid "Parish Bulletin" announcements. Can't anybody read anymore?
  • Clapping. This isn't some gaudy off-Broadway musical.
  • Felt banners. What's with this kindergarten krap?
  • Children gathering around the altar. Hey kids, its playtime. Get your snacks.
  • Music Director: Hey gramps, your acoustic guitar is out of tune. Smoke one too many doobies last night? Oh, and tell your buddy Haugen that he's a menace.
  • Silence. What's that? After Mass, I'm gonna drive my SUV in the parish parking lot and ram the Music Director's Prius.
  • Liturgy Committee Member: Sieg heil, my little Nazi princess. Where's your whip? You Nordic bombshell you...
  • Guy relaxing in pew with arms outstretched. Dude, you bring the lawn chairs? Throw me a burger on the BBQ will ya?
  • Indecent apparel/clothing... and those @#%&$#* flip-flops! Hey lady, what's your problem?
  • Hey pal, what's with the coffee? I thought Tim Hortons was down the street. Get lost.
  • So-called "sign of peace". Awkward. Forced. Therefore: inauthentic. And I have no idea where that person's fingers have been.
  • Holding hands/singing the "Our Father". It's the Rembrandt Weakland Show !
  • Altar girls - and altar boys aren't distracted? Ya right.
  • "Worship space" - What the...? Up yours.
  • Parish architecture: Community Center. Shopping Mall. "Attention K-Mart shoppers..."
To these TH2 declares his ANATHEMA.

The Temple of God has turned into a repulsive marketplace.
The Mass has turned into a Protestant jamboree... starring Everybody!
Little by little.
Sunday after Sunday.
Abuse after abuse.
Abomination after abomination.
How long, oh Lord? How long must we wait?

Wouldn't it be nifty to see Our Lord effectuate some good old fashioned Old Testament justice?
(yes, nifty and effectuate are words I like using)






How about those most spectacular Egyptian plagues ?






Water to blood. WICKED.



Froggies. NOW THAT'S JUST FROGTASTIC !



Lice. NICE.



Flies. ZZZZZZZZZZOINKS !




Livestock Death. COW TIPPING B.C.



Hailstorm. GROOVY.



Locust swarm. NEATO !


OK, we live in modern times. Then why not modern technology?




THERMOBARIC DETONATION SEQUENCE


IIIIIIIIIIII LIKE IT !


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26 comments:

Molly said...

I love this post.

Old Bob said...

Love your stuff, TH2! Thanks!

Adrienne said...

You managed to list every one of the things I hate most about the NO. We attend a Sat. night NO some of the time with an 80 year old priest who manages to cut the sign of peace very, very short. There is no choir (thank God, so we don't have to listen to awful music and everyone manages to be quiet.

The rest of the time we attend an FSSP parish.

I have reached the point where I will no longer tolerate bad liturgy.

Mary said...

TH2, I stand with you brother in Christ!
Rob (of Ohio fame)

TH2 said...

Molly: Thanks for dropping by/commenting. Despite the atrocious situation, I hope you smiled.

Bob: It is may pleasure (kind of... I guess), my friend. Thank you.

Adrienne: I tried to be as comprehensive as possible. There are probably a few others I missed when compiling the list. God bless.

Rob: Thank you, sir, for your support, and for indicating that I'm not the only one. Much appreciated.

Al said...

Worship space wouldn't bother me if it was God we were worshipping, not ourselves.

It isn't the NO per se I have problems with, it is the abuses done in the name of the NO I hate. Fortunately there are a few good parishes arround to keep me from totally going off the deep end. But there are a couple places I could see using a thermobaric bomb on.

PS I'll settle for some NT justice ala the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse & a few trumpets playing as well.

Mary said...

Buddy, I truly feel your pain. Had to deal with things like this a few days ago AT A CONFIRMATION MASS.

And to address just one of your points: The Sign of Peace. UGGHH!! Some of those hands haven't been washed after using the bathroom RIGHT BEFORE Mass, and then they receive the Eucharist with those same hands! (Another strike against Communion in the hand.) The germaphobe in me cringes. I try to cut short the sign of peace by starting to play the Lamb of God.

Last weekend, a seminarian visiting for the day was almost gushing after the Mass about how reverent and beautiful it was. But it made me sad because this is a MAJOR seminary he's attending, and he's not accustomed to reverent liturgies with decent music. WTH?

LarryD said...

TH2 - stop beating around the bush and tell us how you really feel. I don't get this symbolic talk at all.

TH2 said...

Al: If only NO was "effectuated" as televised on EWTN. Glad there are some "good parishes" in your area. Hey - I forgot about the 4 Horsemen... Horseman No. 1 = red = war. Oh ya...

Mary: Interesting that you mentioned Confirmation Mass. A few of the things I listed happened last Sunday at the First Communion Mass. Sign of Peace: Hope I did not sound too Puritan. There is a sweet, elderly lady in a wheelchair that I often end up sitting near at Mass... and how can I deny offering this little pumpkin my hand. She is a 1000 times a better person than I will ever be.

Larry: LOL. Hope I did not sound too much like a Pharisee. Once again, congrats on your coverage by Gloria TV. I am very happy about this. The "moonbat" segment was the best(Note to Readers: Be sure to regularly check out the D-Man's blog - he's a force to be reckoned with)

LarryD said...

TH2 - Pharisee?? What's that? And thanks for the plug. To tell you the truth, I was surprised they selected the "Strange Creatures" post. It's kinda scary that they have a similar sense of humor.

Al said...

TH2, I should have added that I have to leave the state to get to the best of the good parishes. Not as bad as it sounds as it is just over the Mississippi River in E DBQ. The pastor put back the Communion rail a couple years ago.

EWTN - good liturgical music, good sermons (not homilies), reverence. A daily lesson in how to do the NO the way it was meant to.

Larry, given how many of us follow & enjoy your posts, why should it be scary that Gloria TV has a similar sense of humor? Or are you implying it is scary so many of us have a similar sense of humor? :)

LarryD said...

Al - yeah, all you "fans" are giving me the heebie-jeebies. LOL!

John K. said...

I just offer up all the distractions inflicted upon the Mass for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, along with all the other pains experienced in life.

TH2 said...

A very good thing you do, John. Thanks for dropping in.

Anita Moore said...

Here's another one to add to your list: the people shouting out intentions (usually lengthy litanies) during the Prayers of the Faithful. Corollary abuse: the priest inviting the congregation to add their "thoughts" to the homily.

One of these days, I'm liable to give in to the urge to say aloud my own contribution to the Prayers of the Faithful: "For an end to liturgical abuses, we pray to the Lord." I bet you'd be able to hear a pin drop afterward -- the first real period of silence during Mass in this diocese in decades.

TH2 said...

Anita: I will pay you to do that. Name your price and I will send a cheque. Please post on the results.

Anita Moore said...

Dang, TH2, that's tempting. Dilemma: the thing that's kept me from shouting out a prayer for an end to liturgical abuse is that it would require me to contribute to a liturgical abuse.

TH2 said...

You lawyers are so logical. Dang those distinctions!

Al said...

On the other hand, a priest friend of mine told me that if I got up in the middle of a sermon by the pastor of the parish I am a member of to correct what he was saying, it would only be a venial sin. Not sure if that only applies to my specific situation though, eps since I haven't been to Mass at my parish for quite a while (going elsewhere as mentioned above).

John K. said...

In response to a heretical Homily, a very Orthodox and saintly lady I know once had her family remove their shoes and walk out on a Mass barefooted after tossing and abandoning their shoes in the center aisle since (in her words) "We were walking on the blood of Saints."

Personally I find that very appealing. When I attend services at questionable parishes I make it a point not to wear my best shoes.

TH2 said...

John: Quite a witness that lady and her family were. Hopefully, that made the priest reconsider his advocacy of heresy.

John K. said...

She definately has an admirable temper! I fear that I'd be too tempted to toss my shoes at the priest!

Lola said...

I just watched that "Tudors" miniseries up to St. Thomas More's and Cardinal Fisher's martyrdom. I was weeping. (And, I'm not forgeting that they weren't perfect people.)

I don't think I need to watch any more episodes.

Would you consider talking about the Church's Reformers then such Avila, John of the Cross, and what sort of reform we need now? Not saying actually pulling a Luther. Even that King Henry didn't think Luther right on everything.

TH2 said...

Lola: I am not up on the reformative data of SS. Teresa and John. Anita at V for Victory ! really knows her historical stuff.

You there Anita?

Anita Moore said...

Sigh...that's kind of an ambitious project that I'm not up for right at the moment. But here are a couple of good books about the Reformation: Hillaire Belloc's Characters of the Reformation and Msgr. Patrick F. O'Hare's Facts about Luther.

TH2 said...

Yes, both very good books. Good recommendations. Thanks Anita.

Lola: I will do a little investigating specifically re: SS. Teresa and John - then I will give ya a heads up. Please give me some time.

If I forget, you have my full permission to issue any kind of profanity against my person (however extreme) when reminding this sinner what he promised to do.

Good day, dear American ladies.

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