06 June 2009

AJOTW / No. 1

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ITEM: Over the course of this week the internet was buzzing with a vile posting on the Playboy website by a certain Guy Cimbalo [PROFANITY WARNING]: Obama promised us the dream of post-partisanship - a cuckoo land where party affiliation and factional animosity were forgotten. Turn on cable news or open any newspaper, however, and you’ll quickly discover that the dream has yet to materialize. But there is a way to reach across the aisle without letting principles fall by the wayside. We speak, naturally, of the hate f--k. We may despise everything these women represent, but goddammit they’re hot. Let the healing begin. A total of 10 prominent conservative women were on Cimbalo's wish list for sexual violence, including: Dana Perino, Peggy Noonan, Megyn Kelly, Mary Katherine Ham, Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, Pamela Geller, Michele Bachmann and Amanda Carpenter. On Elisabeth Hasselbeck, conservative host for The View, Cimbalo wrote: She’s the clean-cut American sweetheart who elicits our filthiest thoughts. Endlessly perky, this golden goddess probably has her Catholic school uniform still in the closet, and she wouldn’t mind putting it on before taking it off for a session of sweaty, anti-American hate f--king. The post was removed by the pornographic website after complaints from conservatives.



[SCENE: Dilapidated bar]

[SITUATION: TH2 waiting at table… 10 minutes later His Sampersness arrives from the upper level of the bar]

TH2: You’re late, Mr. Scampers. I wasn't aware that you were already here. What were you doing up there?

MR. SCAMPERS: Relax. Have a cheese sandwich. Drink a glass of cream soda. Do some…

TH2: So, Scamps, what do ya think?

MR. SCAMPERS: What do you mean “what do I think” ?

TH2: I make reference to the aforementioned item, delineated just below the poster, regarding the recent controversy actuated by the vulgar vociferations of Guy Cimbalo, writer for Playboy Online… Jackass Number 1.

MR. SCAMPERS: Spare me your ridiculous linguistic acrobatics.

TH2: Ya… almost as ridiculous as your name.

MR. SCAMPERS: Such rapier wit! Watch your mouth with me, punk, or else I’ll…

TH2: Is that your head, or did you inhale a tank of hydrogen gas to recreate the Hindenburg disaster?

MR. SCAMPERS: Why… you unfunny buffoon, I outta…

TH2: Please answer the question, Mr. Scampers. Did you even read about the incident?

MR. SCAMPERS: Yes, I did… Well, it’s obvious. This Cimbalo guy… this depraved slug, advocated the raping of prominent conservative women. Had he directed that wicked diatribe to any of the liberal honeypots out there in the media, well… that would have been the end of him.

TH2: The end?

MR. SCAMPERS: Look at it this way, you tool: Had not any conservative commentators called out the vulgarians at Playboy on the matter, the article would not have been retracted from their website. They would have gotten away with it. Gloria Steinem and her fellow feminist fossils at NOW said nothing until asked to by Hasselbeck. In general, no condemnation from the left wingnut media.

TH2: Yes, it’s the whole double standard thing again, repeated ad infinitum. It’s fair game to denigrate and vilify conservatives. But if excoriation is directed to any liberal, then that would have been a media spectacular, and…

MR. SCAMPERS: Obviously, Sherlock. But what is new here is the degree of violence and hatred expressed in Cimbalo’s verbiage. The fact that this degenerate was nonchalantly and formally writing about this evil for this so-called “classy” of pornographic outfit is the disturbing part.

TH2: So much for Playboy’s “liberation” for women.

MR. SCAMPERS: You said it. But really, this abominable incident was inevitable, and would have occurred sooner or later. Slippery slope… permit one thing, then another, and it’s too late by the time the oblivious really become aware of the level of moral degradation involved. It’s all tied in with the hedonistic philosophy promoted that pathetic founder of Playboy.

TH2: Hugh Hefner. He’s getting pretty old now. It’s ZERO HOUR. Time’s almost up.

MR. SCAMPERS: Man-o-man, is this viagara-induced dinosaur in for a surprise when he finally does croak. Cimbalo, too, if he were to drop dead after enacting out whatever sadistic perversion that preoccupies his mind.

TH2: You mean God’s judgment… the eternal destination of his soul… the possibility of Cimbalo going to Hell?

MR. SCAMPERS: No, I mean a late night stop off at Wendy’s for a flame broiled burger.

TH2: You seem to have the propensity to already know that some souls are in, or are going, to Hell.

MR. SCAMPERS: Be more specific, moron.

TH2: I am referring to MSS No. 1 and MSS No. 8.

MR. SCAMPERS: The purpose of those posts, you boorish schmuck, is literally to “scare the Hell out of ” people. Get it?

TH2: Justice must be tempered with mercy. Justice will be administered, to be sure. But Roman Catholicism says it impossible for us to know the true disposition of a soul. Recall St. Faustina and Our Blessed Lord, His Divine Mercy is “unfathomable”. We must love our enemies, pray for them, even for Cimbalo the vicious misogynist. It is the command of the Lord of History.

MR. SCAMPERS: Yes, yes. You are correct. But I don’t have to like them.

TH2: Remember, hydrogen head, St. Augustine was a Manichean sensualist. He liked the ladies, in an antinomian way. But then, by God’s grace, he was transformed. St. Monica, his mum, prayed many years for his conversion.

MR. SCAMPERS: That’s right. Before his conversion he did have a hankering for those Mesopotamian muffins.

TH2: And then God’s mercy… so also does this apply to the wretch Guy Cimbalo.

MR. SCAMPERS: Umm… ahh… I have to go now…

[SITUTATION: Mr. Scampers quickly departs premises. Waiter arrives at table.]

WAITER: That’ll be 114 dollars and 23 cents.

TH2: For what?

WAITER: The guy with the head said you would cover for the beer and pickled eggs he just voraciously consumed on the upper level.

TH2: Shafted again by my Arch Nemesis.



1 comment:

Al said...

How in the theological place of eternal damnation can this tronz get away wiy saying rape is OK?

Oh, yeah, they are conservative women, so for the liberals they don't count as human. This is just more proof that those who claim to be tolerant, liberal & care for women are actually none of what they claim.

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