15 August 2009

MSS / No. 12



The lesson today, Catholic peoples, is this: if you are nun who revels in the spirit of the world, if you are one of those habitless hussies that are in and for the world (instead of living for God), then expect to be treated as such. Do not expect to receive the elevated respect, that extra/special amount of dignity, rightly due to a true Bride of Christ. If you want to be like everyone else, then it is Mr. Scampers sworn duty to castigate you like everyone else. So, once again, for your reading and visual pleasure, may I humbly present...


MR. SCAMPERS' GALLERY OF GOOFY NUNS - PART DEUX: FABULOUS FASHIONISTAS

- OR -

THE AU COUTURE LIFESTYLES OF AN ASSORTMENT OF POLYESTER PRINCESSES



Joan Chittister, OSB (Genus: masculus suspectus). Now girls, nothing says heretical nun like a smoking jacket. Joanie here, lusciously draped in a grey design by Fr. Fruitcake of the Maryknoll Fathers, exudes that aura of manlihood that is needed to blur the distinction between the sexes. The curvlinear collar, the loosely fitted sleeves, the unbuttoned jacket - these emanate that relaxed, "just one of the guys" look. Notice how this is also displayed in her body language: hands clasped with interlocking fingers, receptiveness in the facial expression, and the torso askew to the left, but just a little. Poise, ladies... poise.




Simone Campbell, SSS (Genus: medicus mediocritus). Listen up, girlfriends! The 70s are back, so let's get groovin... Simone, here, is wearing a lavious pink shirt with a spectacular, triangularlized collar. And don't forget to leave that top button undone. Remember, the seventies was a time of openess. Modesty, holiness and humility have nothing to do with being a nun. Oh!, how I miss those groovy days of bell bottoms, free love and gaudy colorations. To complete the package, do what Simone did: get a Carol Brady bouffant... Gooorrrgeouussss. Hair designs by Weakland.




Sandra Schneiders, IHM (Genus: polyesteris maximus). "Simone... pink collar... Yoooouuuu gooooo giiiiirrrrrllll".




Louise Lears, SC (Genus: haereticus perhorridus). Okay okay. Yes, the 70s have always been "back". Then why not try the 80s look? That's what Louise did. Here she poses with a slightly vampirish doo (hair gel optional). New Wave, angular and asymmetrical - a perfect coif for a girls night out at the club and for dancing to the sounds of electronica. "We're gonna have a paaarrty... All night long [all night... all night]. All night long [all night]..." Remember, muffins, silence and solitary prayer is passé. That's soooooooo 50s.




Gail Worcelo, SGM (Genus: venerator terrarum). Chic not for you? Perhaps you are the earthy type? You'd prefer to be in the great outdoors rather than in Perpetual Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? Well, then, cupcakes - Gail the Weaver has got something for you. As a liturgical dancer, it is imperative that she always look her best. Gail is seen here in a fabulous thinly veiled bluish-green blouse. For added elegance, the sleeves are shortened just below the elbows, but this also has a ultilitarian purpose: it is conducive to freer air flow under the garment. And, by golly, is this needed when Gail is exerting herself whilst frolicking around the altar. Sweat reduction means less deodorant usage girls - and this is perfect when trekking all day through the hot Sun, under the watchful eye of the beloved god, Ra. Add Birkenstocks plus black toenail polish to the package, and you're ready to go.




Mary Kay Camp, IBVM (Genus: stupidus enneagramis). Only one word describes her outfit: HHHHHHAAAAAAAWWWWWWTTTT.




Christine Leyser, IBVM (Genus: malignus proditoris). Now girls, don't you for one minute think that fashion sense is reserved for the younger lasses. Christine breaks all the rules. Here, she is adorned in a beautiful turtleneck sweater. The varying shades of brown and the stripe around the neck draws attention away from that unwanted graying hair aloft, which most of our mature ladies know is so hard to disguise, even with modern advancements in hair coloring. Notice, also, the small broach in the shape of a cross just below her left shoulder. Such a lovely accent to fool people into thinking that you are devoted to Jesus, when in fact "social justice" is your true obsession.


AFTERWORD: When there is a conglomeration of polyester princesses, i.e. when attending a "community gathering" or "conference" addressing such important issues as "The Social Interrelationships Between Dildos and Barbie Dolls: A Case Study in Male Subjugation" (read "ppaaaaarrtteeeeeeeeee") - what to wear? "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, what am I going to wear?" Well, the galleria below speaks for itself and will hopefully help (my fav is bottom row, first on the left - sheeeeezzzz deeeeelicious).




Until next time, Catholic peoples, Mr. Scampers bids adieu.




Disclaimer: The Heresy Hunter (TH2) does not necessarily endorse, approve or assent to the ideations, articulations, ruminations, expurgations, cogitations, castigations or depictions as disseminated by Mr. Scampers. Any perceived similarities between views expressed in TH2 postings and the expostulations of Mr. Scampers are purely coincidental.


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8 comments:

Al said...

The question is, "What is Joanie smoking?" We know it can't be tobacco since that wouldn't be PC chic.

Once again, Mr. Scampers hits it out of the ballpark.

PS, I have EWTN on & they are showing an old Mother Angelic classi from the 80s. It may be polyester, but at least you can still be sure she is a faithful nun, esp with the huge crucifix she wore. Contrast that to what Leyser has that could or couldn't be a cross.

PPS Am I correct in assuming that the pin that Simone Campbell, SSS (Why do the initials make me thing of a mid 30s German orginization?) has on is the Spirit of Vatican II & not the Holy Spirit?

THE HERESY HUNTER said...

Al, I thought the same thing about the "SSS" as well!

As for the pin, it seems to be a descending dove, so I assume the Holy Spirit. Don't know what a Spirit of VII symbol is. But, I am thinking now that you were speaking in jest... I am a little slow these days.

Al said...

The bit about the pin was sort of tongue in cheek & said because of how they claim the Spirit of VII to justify what they do.

Vir Speluncae Catholicus said...

You've done it again!!!!

THE HERESY HUNTER said...

A commenter on another blog, instead of coming here, commented the following about this post (whilst also criticising that person's blog, referring to this writer as one of her "readers", and indirectly implicating that bloggist as well, as somehow also responsible for this post - which she is definitely not.

THE COMMENT-
"One of your readers, Heresy Hunter, has an awful post on his blog today in which he makes fun of the looks of some women religous. I don't care if he/she agrees with them or not. I don't care if these women are liberals or heretics. It is extremely mean, uncharitable and childish to devote an entire blog post to making fun of peoples looks."

TH2 responded to that comment at that blog. It is restated here so as to avaid any misunderstanding.

MY RESPONSE COMMENT (w/minor gramm chg)-

Some points:

1. If you would have read the post properly you would have noticed that fun was made of the clothing/hair of the women, their adornments and accentuations (thus the “fabulous fashoinistas” phrase), not facial/bodily appearances per se.

2. You apparently failed to take notice of the “lesson” mentioned at the beginning of that post, which effectively said that heretical nuns who live for the spirit of the world are not living for God primarily. There is an objective separateness from the world that is part of parcel of being a religious. If you live by the spirit of the world, then expect to be treated in the same “mean” way by that same spirit.

3. “I don't care if these women are liberals or heretics” You will care when their philosophies and policies begin to affect you life in a personal way. Should I remain silent when I see blatant disobedience, and let error perpetuate? Bishop Sheen said that lay Catholics act as the check to make sure that religious remain faithful to the Roman Catholic Church. If nothing is said, however harsh it may seem, then problems will only get worse. St. Athanasius: “The floor of Hell is carpeted with the skulls of priests”. These are harsh words. If I am classed under this category, then I take that as a compliment.

4. You seem not to have a sense of humor, which I think is an endemic quality of a faithful orthodox Catholic.

5. Finally, in your comment, what you are really saying is that you are a better person than me, more charitable than this sinner (which is likely true), though I also think that you are inwardly congratulating yourself by differentiating the “awful”, “mean” and “childish” post with your alleged goodness, a “I am more holier than thou” kind of thing. The word Pharisee now comes to mind.

Lola said...

I still am in shock over the earrings.

Now seriously, any community of nuns can choose their "habit". I've seen some cloistered sisters wearing denium work dresses for the field/garden. And big straw hats.

And, as much as I'd like to think clothing doesn't matter, it does. It's our public contract of our inner self. (I read that somewhere. Probably Tim Gunn from Project Runway. But it applies here as well.)

modest.

Oh, well some people are clueless.

I remember my grandmother would recall going to going away parties for girls entering convents. No perfume for gifts. Plain and simple. Towels, unscented bath powder and soap, etc.


This is why young women with a calling to religious life are flocking to "habit" sisters and the 'goovey' sisters are dying out.


But, where will our Parishes get the future Religious Education Directors who promote the Guitar Masses?

THE HERESY HUNTER said...

Oh, and one other thing... if it's any consolation: a while back TH2 came across a picture of an unknown and unidentified woman posted on a Catholic blog, where fun was made of her physical appearance. TH2 commented, generally saying that it should not have been done, as this person was not even identified as working against the Catholic Church. I was effectively told to lighten up.

So there ya go... Mr. Scampers is not as mean as some may think.

THE HERESY HUNTER said...

Lola, you said: "as much as I'd like to think clothing doesn't matter, it does."...Right on.

Yet more brilliant commentary by the famous Lola. Thank you.

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